


Kyle's Boomin' Debate

by KPesh123



Series: Kyle's Boomin' Adventures [23]
Category: Original Work
Genre: 2020 US Presidential Election, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Politics, American Politics, Anal Sex, Bad Writing, Beer, Best Friends, Binge Drinking, Childhood Friends, Democrat, Drinking, Drinking Games, Drugs, Excessive Drinking, Face-Fucking, Fiction, Friendship, Fucking, Good Writing, Guns, Heavy Drinking, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Late Night Writing, Major Original Character(s), Marijuana, Oral Sex, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Original Universe, Other, Party, Partying, Politics, Porn, President Donald Trump, Psychotropic Drugs, Public Sex, References to Drugs, Religion, Republican, Rough Sex, Sex, Shooting Guns, Skull Fucking, Smoking, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, Vaginal Sex, Vodka, Weapons, Whiskey & Scotch, Writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:47:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27387430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KPesh123/pseuds/KPesh123
Summary: Kyle and The Boys have been caught up in American politics before.  With the election on its way, they suddenly get invited to the Third Presidential Debate.
Relationships: Bernie Sanders/Donald Trump, Donald Trump/Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton/Donald Trump, Joe Biden/Donald Trump, Joe Biden/Donald Trump/Chris Wallace
Series: Kyle's Boomin' Adventures [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1867981
Comments: 4





	Kyle's Boomin' Debate

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry I haven't been as active of late. School and work has gotten in my way. Anyway, here is my opinion on this current election.

Kyle’s Boomin’ Debate

Kyle and the boys were sitting in his living room watching television. Halloween had just past and they went as Jesus and his disciples. Kyle was Jesus while the rest of the boys were his loyal followers. The costume was a big hit. Kyle and the boys wandered the streets of Parkersville looking to get a rise out of everyone. With heads turning, people both loved and hated it. Only a few days since then and it was already election day. This was the election of the century, Donald Trump versus Joe Biden. The United States had never been so divisive since the Civil War, talks of a second one were in the air as it had already started back in June of 2020. Nevertheless, there was still one more debate to go and it was bound to be the most watched one in American history.

The first debate was a trainwreck. Three five year olds on a stage talking over each other. Although in reality that’s what it was, Trump reigned victorious as he bitched Biden who stumbled over every word. The second debate looked better for both sides. Both men remained calm and debated more professionally. Now it was time for the third debate. Originally scheduled to be the second debate, it was cancelled once Trump got Covid. Since Covid was as harmful as common seasonal allergies, Trump was better in two days. The students at Kyle’s school were rejoicing about this at first, then were bitter again as it only proved Covid meant shit and wouldn’t stop their enemy. 

After a few weeks, both campaigns agreed on having the debate at Monmouth University in the Ocean First Bank Center, the schools arena, which was only five minutes away from Parkersville. As talked about previously, Joe Rogan was set to monitor the debate. For some unknown reason, every major politician was going to be there backing up each candidate, since it was do or die for them. A full crowd was expected to show, including many celebrities which Biden and Trump personally invited. Kyle and the boys were in his living room when Jon walked into the room with Kyle’s mail. 

“The Don sends his regards.” Jon said in a lower tone of voice.

“Jon, what the fuck are you talking about?” Jay asked.

“Also why the fuck are you opening my mail?” Kyle asked.

“Thought I’d be nice and sort it for you.” 

“You’re looking for money right?”

“You can read me like a book Kyle.” 

“Wait so what are you talking about?” Gianni asked.

“Oh we got a personal invitation from Trump to come to the debate.” Jon responded.

“Oh bet, we bouta fuck shit up on live television!” Mark yelled.

“Holy shit for real?” Malcolm asked. “Why us though?” 

“Remember we basically ran the country for him.” Kyle informed Malcolm.

“Oh yea.” 

Earlier in the year the boys ran the country as Trump fucked hookers and did large amounts of cocaine with Mike Pence and Rudy Guliani. After doing a successful job running the country, the boys had become celebrities, known for their wacky antics. It was only natural that the boys showed up to the debate. 

The boys spent all day getting ready for their night out. A luxury limo with high end booze arrived at all of the boy’s houses. In the five minute drive over to Monmouth University, the boys finished most of the liquor and were wrecked. The limo arrived at the front of the arena where there was a red carpet laid out. Paparazzi and news reporters were on the sides trying to snag pictures and interviews. When the boy’s limo pulled up, they stumbled out in a drunken mess like the Sex Pistols in England. All of the boys were dressed differently. Mark looked like Rambo, he had war paint on his face, a bandana on his head, a camo uniform cut sleeveless and a loaded AK-47 on his back. Kyle dressed in his Jesus costume, he somehow grew out a beard and everything. Gianni wore his famous blue facemask, while the rest of the boys cross dressed. The boys proceeded to walk in, a CNN reporter approached them. 

“Hi, Gaylord Peter, CNN, can I ask you a few questions?” The reporter asked.

“Uhh, sure.” Mark responded.

“Okay Mr. Cuomo, I am now live with the Boomin’ boys. These boys gained wide popularity for the wacky antics after they ran the country and invaded North Korea in the summer. Here we have Mark…” The reporter said until getting interrupted by Mark.

“It’s Jumbo Steve now.” Mark interrupted.

“Excuse me, what was that?” The reporter responded in confusion.

“You must call me Jumbo Steve from now on. If you call me anything else it will result in me bringing the might of a thousand gods therefore bringing so much pressure that you, a waste of a carbon life form get turned into diamonds.” Mark explained in a monotone voice. 

“Uhhh okay?” The reporter responded in confusion.

“Hey Mark look it’s…” Malcolm said to Mark ultimately leading into a slap across the face.

“You don’t fucking call me that you little bitch.” Mark said sternly. 

“Ouch! Fuck!” Malcolm yelled. 

Mark and Malcolm walked off, Kyle approached the reporter dressed as Jesus in a near state of blackout. The reporter started to interview Kyle. 

“So Kyle, you’re dressed very eccentric for tonight's occasion. What is your reasoning?” The reporter asked.

“Listen here fuckface. I am Jesus Christ. I have been sent down from Heaven and let me tell you something you dirty motherfucker. I am pissed off at what y’all have done to the world. I died for your sins motherfucker, you owe me!” Kyle slurred.

“Uh, alright. Now here we have Nick. Any comments on who you think will win tonight's debate?” The reporter asked. 

“I would like to ask Buckakoos to take my picture off their wall? My bitch of an ex-girlfriend told them to ban me from eating Chihuahuas and now they won’t give them to me. I don’t have a problem you fuck heads!!” Nick shouted.

“Okay, now here we have Malcolm. What are your thoughts on tonight's debate?” The reporter asked. 

“Listen here buddy! It is not gay to have a guy suck your dick! My dick didn’t go in his asshole and neither did his go in mine! It isn’t gay to have a man suck you off to make him his bitch!” Malcolm yelled.

“Jesus okay, no more interviews. I quit.” The reporter said, dropping his microphone. 

The boys entered the floor of the arena. There were two big sections on the floor for each candidate. Some were other high ranked politicians while others were notable celebrities. The people who sat there were personally invited by the candidates. The people in the stands were random spectators who paid to watch society crumble. With an hour before the debate, the boys wandered the arena looking at what was going on. Since Trump invited the boys, they were placed in his section. Next to the boys was the famous youtube group known as Nelk. On the other side was Lil Pump, who was xanned out for the occasion. Not knowing what to say, Kyle turned to the Nelk Boys.

“Yo, wanna take a couple shotty’s backstage?” Kyle asked Stevewilldoit. 

“Fuck yea.” Steve responded. 

The boys went backstage and took shotguns off of Bud Lights. They then proceeded to wander backstage. 

“Yo, I have a handle of Jack Daniels. Every time Biden fucks up a word, forgets who the fuck he is, or stutters we have to take a shot.” Kyle said.

“Fuck yea I’m down.” Salim from Nelk responded. 

“I may be fifteen beers deep right now, but I can still speak better than Biden.” Kyle from Nelk commented. 

The boys went off and explored backstage in order to see what was going on behind the scenes. The boys found a nearby locker room where the Trump campaign was set up. There was a loud moan coming from the room. Ever so quietly, the boys snuck into the room. There was a sight that shocked the boys. Both Donald Trump and Rudy Guliani were fully naked. They were tag teaming the girl from Borat Two, Trump taking her in the ass while Guliani took her in the mouth. Sacha Baron Cohen was dressed as Borat and was also naked jacking off in the corner to the display. The boys had their jaws dropped and slowly left the room. In a state of shock, the boys eventually made it to Biden’s campaign room. They looked in on Sleepy Joe preparing for the debate.

“What?! Where am I?!” Biden asked in a state of delusion. 

“Sir, you debate the president in an hour, get yourself together!” Biden's campaign manager yelled.

“What?! I debate Obama?!” Biden asked.

“No! You’re debating Trump you cenile fuck!” 

“I’m running for senate right?” 

“No you retard!!! You’re running for president!”

“I will beat Joe Biden this election.”

“YOU ARE JOE BIDEN!!! YOU ARE FACING DONALD TRUMP!!” 

“What?! Then who am I?!” 

“YOU ARE FUCKING JOE BIDEN!!! HOW STUPID ARE YOU?!”

The boys looked in confusion as Joe Biden did not seem to know who or where he was. Delirious and in the stages of dementia, Biden did not know what position he was running for or why. America was fucked. 

The boys met up with Nelk and eventually took their seats. The murmuring of the crowd died down once the lights went out. Monitor Joe Rogan took the stage and sat at his desk. In a matter of minutes he was live on national television with the entire nation watching. One by one the candidates reached the stage. Donald Trump was fully clothed and Joe Biden had his phoney smile. The debate proceeded.

“I’d like to thank both of you for attending tonight. Before we start, let me take a quick bowl hit.” Joe Rogan said, lighting up his bowl. “Alright, President Trump, your opening statements please.” 

“My cock is yuuge. Sleepy Joe over here doesn’t even have one. That little fucking bitch.” Trump touted.

“Shut the hell up man!” Joe cried in defeat. 

“You have the tiniest cock in all of America, it is a disgrace to this country why do you even try Joe? You claim to be smarter than me yet you were the most retarded in your class. Don’t talk smarts with me.” Trump ranted.

“Keep yappin man” Biden responded with his nervous laugh he gives when he knows he’s been defeated. 

“Okay guys. Chill the fuck out. Biden, your opening statements please.” Joe Rogan said.

“Now you see, I got- I gotta- um uh uh, I got a lotta hairy legs…” Biden started spewing.

“Shut the fuck up Joe.” Trump interrupted.

“Hey! Keep yappin and one day I’ll be in the senate!” Joe bragged.

“That’s it!!! Fuck it!” Mark yelled.

Kyle and the boys stormed the stage and jumped the disheveled old man. Biden being knocked unconscious, Mark got in front of the camera and started to go off. 

“Y’all better not fuck with me mother fuckers! You better call me Jumbo Steve or else…” Mark ranted until being interrupted.

“Hey look at the ceiling!” A man in the audience yelled.

Giant rays of light coming out from the night sky broke through the ceiling. Parts of the ceiling fell crushing politicians such as Alexanria Ocasio Cortez and Illhan Omar. Through the hole in the ceiling floated in a slim figure who landed on the stage. 

“Is it the three DMT tabs I had or is that Jesus Christ?!” Joe Rogan shouted.

The real Jesus Christ had made his second coming at none other than the third presidential debate. Since 2020 had been a literal Hell on Earth, his second coming was needed, for most people. 

“My children, I have come to you in this hour of despair…” Jesus said before getting interrupted.

“Oh fuck no!” Kyle shouted, punching Jesus in the face. “I’m the real Jesus bitch!” 

“Ouch, if I wasn’t here on a mission then I’d fucking smite you with the lashes of a thousand suns.” Jesus responded.

“You see people?! That is what will happen to you if you don’t call me Jumbo Steve.” Mark shouted.

“What the fuck is wrong with you people?!” Bernie Sanders shouted. 

Mark took his AK-47 and shot Bernie in the arm. While sitting on the ground, bleeding out from his shoulder, Bernie cried like a little bitch. No one came to his aid since they were too scared of Mark.

“Damn even for me that’s fucked.” Jesus commented.

“Shut the fuck up!” Kyle shouted sucker punching Jesus in the back of the head.

“That’s right people Kyle is now Jesus!” Malcolm shouted. 

After Kyle took a piss on Biden’s unconscious body, the boys walked out of the arena and took the limo back to Malcolm’s house where they partied the rest of the night. Since the Nelk Boys liked what they saw, they too showed up to the house and partied with the boys. Although America was potentially going down the shitter with Biden having a shot at the presidency, the boys partied freely while they still could. 

  
  


I hope you enjoyed my Boomin’ Debate, fuck politics, especially Biden.

  
  



End file.
